Should I Spend My Cash On A Boat Or Rock Gear?

Boats are for idiots.

Smart people have friends who have boats. You go hang out on the boat and drink their beer after they spent all spring covered in slime and shit scraping zebra mussels off the bottom (while you were rocking out and drinking whisky with hot groupies), and spending a thousand dollars to fill the gas tank to haul your drunk ass around the lake just so they can impress you. They can't even drink on the boat because they have to drive the thing. Ha ha, I am impressed... impressed by how dumb they are.

Rock wins. Boats lose.

LETTERBOOKFACEPAGESPACE!!!

Okay, the "social media" thing is completely out of control. First of all "social" is entirely the wrong word. Social implies some sort of interaction between people, like a conversation. These media are more for people talking AT others, not TO them. Or more precisely, talking AT no one, since everyone is busy talking AT no one as well, and they simply don't have the time or desire to read what anyone else is "atting" to the world. (The irony is that no one is reading this, either)

My proposal is to streamline the process with the greatest social media site ever:

LETTEROTOMY!!!

Why spend all that time cobbling together words that no one will read, when a simple letter will do? Instead of, "m in bio clas - traci s so fat LOL", just post "M" to capture the spirit of the post in a fraction of the time. The name combines the concept of single letter communication with the lobotomization of users.

Here's a sample of how an "att" would look:

Q (posted 4 hours ago)

Comments

fIrSt PoSt!!!!!!!! GrRrLz RuLe!!! (Posted by: G 3 hours ago)

ROFLMAO!!!!! (Posted by: B 1 hour ago)

D!!!! (Posted by: L 14 minutes ago)

L ur such a fag (Posted by: T 6 minutes ago)

Simply awesome, if you ask me.

Oh, and by the way, I am totally reserving the rights to "Letterotomy", "atting", "atts", and the whole concept of single letter communication. I am going to be so rich.